One of the hardest things about caring for someone who has an anxiety disorder can be dealing with symptoms when they are being taken out on you, whether directly or indirectly. Children, spouses, friends, and other loved ones are often caught in the crossfire when a loved one suffers from anxiety. In this chapter, we will look at what you can do when a loved one’s anxiety is hurting you.
Being Taken Advantage Of
While being supportive and helping your loved one with things they can no longer manage because of their symptoms is a wonderful thing, it can also lead to your loved one becoming overly dependent on you. If your loved one is starting to rely on you to do things that they are capable of or if they are taking advantage of your desire to help them get well, it is important that you do something about it.
If you are constantly sacrificing your time and effort to help ensure that your friend or family member has all of their needs met but find that your loved one is not making an effort to get better or to seek help, you need to be able to stand up for yourself. Don’t react with anger, but be certain that you say something.
Let your loved one know that you feel like you are being taken advantage of, and try to help them understand why you feel the way you do. There is a good chance that your friend or family member did not mean to become so dependent on you and that they will be willing to make changes or compromises to start doing things for themselves again. If this doesn’t work, however, you need to be willing to stand up for yourself and to put your foot down if need be. If you are doing everything for your loved one, they have no reason to help themselves.
Being Controlled
For people living with someone who has agoraphobia, social anxiety, and other disorders, it can be easy to get caught in a cycle of controlling behavior. Your loved one may start exhibiting fear or anxiety whenever you try to leave the home, and your initial instinct is to stay home so that they do not have to feel alone, anxious, or afraid. Unfortunately, our social interactions are a strong part of our mental health, and this can have a severely negative impact on your own well-being.
Anxiety disorders can leave people feeling powerless, and it is not uncommon for people to start to exhibit controlling behavior over loved ones. If your friend or family member has started telling you when you can leave the house, who you can spend time with, or what you are allowed to say or do, it is imperative that you take action.
Once again, rather than reacting with anger, try explaining how this behavior affects you and what it is doing to your happiness and well being. Controlling behavior can be dangerous to your mental health and you need to let your loved one know that it is unacceptable. If the behavior continues, you will need to either refuse to be controlled or, if need, be, leave the situation.
Being Abused
Abusive situations are never healthy and should never be endured, even when they are the result of an anxiety disorder. If your loved one has become emotionally or mentally abusive, it is absolutely imperative that they receive treatment immediately. You need to tell them that this behavior is absolutely unacceptable and that while you are willing to support them in any way possible while they are working to recover than taking anger, fear, or frustration out on you, your children, or other loved ones is simply not going to be tolerated.
If your loved one has become physically abusive, you may need to consider having them sent to a mental health treatment facility. In most states, there are laws that allow people to be involuntarily admitted for treatment whenever they pose a threat to themselves or to other people. You can try contacting your loved one’s therapist to determine the best course of action and they can often help you find a safe way to get your loved one the treatment they need to deal with their anxiety without engaging in abusive behaviors.
Paranoia
Paranoia is a rare but possible symptom of a number of anxiety disorders, and it is one that can have a severely negative impact on your relationship. Your loved one may believe that you are planning to hurt them, that you are talking about them, or that they are the victim of plots and gossip from other people. Paranoia can be one of the hardest symptoms to deal with, because it often seems so real that your loved one doesn’t realize that it is irrational.
Paranoia can also manifest in a belief that failure to complete certain actions will result in the injury or death of a loved one. Knowing what to do in these situations can be difficult, and it is not uncommon for people to need to return home frequently whenever going to the store or trying to go on vacation because they become paranoid that they have left the door unlocked or left the stove turned on. Reassurance doesn’t help, and failure to check for themselves can cause intense fear and panic.
When symptoms like this begin, it is crucial to seek treatment as soon as possible. For many people, this type of paranoia can eventually make it impossible to leave the house. This can not only be frustrating for you and your loved one, but it can put a great deal of strain on you.
Summary
The bottom line is that when the symptoms of a loved one’s anxiety disorder begin to have a negative impact on your life, it is important to take action. You cannot sit by and let a loved one hurt you or disrupt your mental health, no matter how much you love them. Start by trying to show them how their actions are affecting you and encouraging them to seek treatment, but if this is unsuccessful, you have to be willing to do what it takes to protect yourself.