Telling someone about your anxiety or panic disorder can be frightening. For many people, the sheer notion of telling someone else about their symptoms and experiences can be enough to cause significant anxiety or even panic attacks. Many people spend years working to hide their symptoms and feelings, which can lead to diminished social relationships, problems with work and school, and a diminished quality of life. For some patients, the fear of people learning about their condition can even become disabling.
It is important to realize that talking to people about your anxiety and panic is an important part of treatment. The more you shroud your condition in secrecy, the more power you give to it. Being afraid to share your anxiety leads to feelings that you will be judged, and it leads to you judging your every word and every move. Most of the fears that people experience in terms of sharing their anxiety are internal and are based around negative self-talk and irrational beliefs.
When you think about telling someone that you have a phobia, panic disorder, or anxiety disorder, what thoughts come to mind? Are you worried that you will be judged? Are you worried that you will be considered a freak or that people will think that you are crazy? Are you worried that others will think less of you or that people will stop listening to your opinion? Are you worried that they will look at you differently or that they will start to pity you? These are common concerns and worries, but they are also worries that are fed primarily by self-doubt and negative thinking.
Many people who are afraid to tell others about their anxiety start by hiding their symptoms. This can look to others as though you are just shy or that you are quiet. But over time, many people start avoiding social situations and look for excuses to avoid contact with others. Your family members may start to think that you do not like or love them or that you do not want to be around them. For people who love and care about you, this can be very hurtful. More importantly, it is hurtful to you and it can serve to make your anxiety worse. A strong social network is an important part of treatment when it comes to anxiety disorders, and failure to communicate with loved ones can break down and even destroy this network, leaving you without an important means of support.
Gather Some Information
Instead of avoiding your loved ones or neglecting to tell them what is happening, consider educating them on what is happening with you. Your experience is unique and personal, but taking the time to find information about your anxiety or panic disorder can help you answer important questions that your loved one may have about the condition. It is natural for people to have questions, and being able to explain why your symptoms are happening can help them understand.
What many people perceive as judgment from loved ones is, in fact, often a lack of understanding. Mental illnesses and disorders do seem to carry a great deal of stigma, but this is largely because people who do not have them are never educated on what they are, what they mean, and of course, what they don’t mean. Mental disorders do not mean that you are crazy, and teaching people about them is the best and most effective way to help stop the stigma surrounding them. Get the facts before you talk and be prepared to answer questions. You’ll be surprised what a difference it can make.
Share What YOU Want
Understand that not everyone you tell about your anxiety needs to know the entire story. If you have PTSD, for example, you don’t have to explain the traumatic experience that you endured in order to tell someone that you experience panic and anxiety. It is up to you how much of your story you choose to share. The important thing is that you have people that you can trust and talk to, not that you share every detail of your experience.
Realize That It Isn’t a Weakness
It is common for people to be fearful or anxious about telling someone that they have anxiety or a panic disorder. It is common for people, especially males, to sense that telling someone about the disorder will cause them to be viewed as weak. Anxiety and panic disorders are not a weakness. In fact, they are often the brain’s response to significant trauma. Many anxiety disorders are a survival mechanism, and your ability to adapt to traumatic events is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
Anxiety disorders are not a weakness, and they are not a flaw in your personality. They may change how you feel and how you act, but they do not change who you are. Talking to someone about your anxiety can help give you greater control over your life, and it can help you feel stronger and be stronger.
Start with Someone You Know You Can Trust
Before you decide to explain to the entire family that you have an anxiety or panic disorder, start by telling someone that you know you can trust and rely on. This can be your best friend, your spouse, or a parent. Choose someone who is supportive of you and whom you know you can trust to understand you and help you.
When you have decided who you want to talk to, spend some time thinking about what you want to say. It is important not to assume that this person will judge you in any way. Don’t plan your words around how you think that the person will feel, think, or react, but instead plan it based on how you feel and what you need. Put together an idea of what you want to say, and if need be, practice it a few times. This can help make it easier to explain and can reduce feelings of anxiety when it is time to start talking.
Remember That Everyone Gets Anxious
One thing that can help is to keep in mind that everyone experiences anxiety to some degree. This means that, in at least a small way, your loved ones know a little bit about what you are feeling. If you know that a loved one has been in a traumatic or anxiety provoking situation, you can explain that the feeling of terror and nervousness that the situation created for them is what you feel on a frequent basis.
Having something to compare your symptoms or feelings to can make it easier for your loved ones to understand them. Remember that most reactions that we perceive as negative are actually just a lack of understanding. By helping your loved ones understand what it feels like to experience the thoughts and symptoms that you experience, you make it easier for them to understand and accept your condition and make it easier for them to provide you with support when you need it.
Be Clear About What You Want
One problem that many people seem to experience after telling a loved one about their anxiety and panic is getting a reaction that is different than what they expected. Some people just want to clear the air and go about their lives, and get frustrated when loved ones ask questions or frequently offer advice and opinions. Some people are just the opposite and find themselves frustrated when their desire for support and guidance is instead simply met with acceptance.
It is important to remember that as much as your loved ones care for you, they cannot read your mind. Be clear about what you are hoping for in telling them about your anxiety or panic symptoms. Tell them what you want, need, or expect from them, and find out if there is anything they want from you in return. When you are clear about what you hope to achieve and what your loved ones can do for you, it makes it much easier for them to actually provide it.
Being Honest Can Help Reduce Anxiety
A great deal of the anxiety that surrounds the idea of telling loved ones about your anxiety and panic comes from your perception of their reactions. Whenever you constantly need to lie or hide your symptoms in order to keep people from finding out about your life and you constantly need to work to keep your anxiety a secret, you are in turn creating more anxiety for yourself.
When you are completely honest about your feelings and your situation, you will find that it can actually provide you with relief. People who love and care for you are going to be supportive and understanding, and there will be no need to hide from them or lie to them. And on days where you are feeling particularly anxious, you will find that being up front about your feelings makes it easier for them to understand if you don’t feel like going out or doing something at that particular moment. Telling your loved ones about anxiety can be very freeing, and in and of itself, can actually help to reduce anxiety.
Summary
Telling people close to you about your anxiety disorder can be a great step on the path to recovery and reduced symptoms. As mentioned in the treatment chapter, a strong support system is an integral part of recovering from anxiety and panic disorders. Telling those closest to you can relieve a great burden from your shoulders and even offer you a greater network of supportive individuals.
It is natural to be a little nervous about telling someone that you have a mental health disorder, but it doesn’t have to cause anxiety. Remember that the most common fears and worries are based on what you think that people close to you will say or do. The people closest to you love and care for you, which is why they are an important part of your life. Keep in mind that they are likely to be supportive and avoid making assumptions about how they will feel or react.
Once you have told the people closest to you about your anxiety or panic disorder, there is no longer any need to fear their reactions. There is also no longer a need to spend time and energy hiding your condition. These two things can greatly reduce anxiety and can help put you on the path to a faster recovery, especially with the help of the family and friends who now understand what you are going through.